Friday, December 14, 2007

after much anguish ....

So after much anguish, I am back blogging again. We shall see if it lasts. Funny thing happened yesterday, our club crazy guy was in full affect!!!! He spent 9 hours chanting, ranting, and bemoaning people. Most of the time he just told people that he didn't know why girls wouldn't talk to him and that they didn't because they wanted to "mind intimidate" him. His vocabulary is amazing for a crazy person and he spends way too much time at the club, but the whole mind intimidation kinda made sense in a serial killer/genius way. By the time he was done ranting I almost agreed with him and forgot all about the fact that he was insane in the membrane!!!! So am I crazy for it making sense? I don't think I was crazy, but he is way out there!!! He slapped himself in the face a few times and yelled a little at himself before we asked him to leave, but for the most part it made for an entertaining day. Also, some lady lost track of the treadmill and fell today! Hilarious!!! She shot herself into the back wall. Had to leave because I couldn't stop laughing. Oh, the things that happen at gyms.
Big props to Justin for hooking me up on the insurance so thank you publicly! Saw Carey Judd live tonight and I found him to be better in person than on his CD's. Much more entertaining. Anyways, good night to all! It's late and I work at 7 AM and play at 10. So good night. Until next time, which hopefully is tomorrow, but we'll see. _ Steven

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

It's been a while

Well, it;s been awhile since I was able to blog. Mostly because I got self conscious about my blog. I found out that anyone could read it. That kind of threw me off. I wanted to write free from my head without anyone really knowing. I know that my family would know, but complete strangers kind of was weird. So, I have overcome my fear and have decided to continue to write for myself and anyone else can just be patient and understand that I am going through a change and I really don't know what is going to happen. It is what it is. A change, a metamorphosis, if you will.
Lately I have kind of gotten through the everything is new again and on to the settling in phase. This weekend was kind of hard to be away from everyone. I am truly proud of Shannon, Jared, and Sharalyn for running the Chicago marathon. This is something that I know was huge in there life, but it left me in a spot. To be selfish for a moment, no one was here to hang out with me. It was just me doing nothing. I was a little bored and I just couldn't get into my groove. There it is, I am done self loathing. Proud of you guys, just don't ever leave me by myself again. Just kidding.
This week I truly have been thinking of things I could do to be original. There are just so many things to choose from. I like the ocean, but I am not really that good at surfing and such. I like it, love it actually, but I still have that fear of the unkown when I am out there. I love the mountains and have grown more comfortable with time, but do I really care about the enviorment that much? I think that I am going to go with the ocean for a while. Get used to the cold water, the powerful waves, and get used to the currents and beach life. It truly is a way of life. Here is where I am at right now, I want to set a goal of winning a "B" card on the beach and get used to the water enough to overcome some fear and be a decent surfer. Not crazy, but get up, move side to side, and feel comfortable with waves of some size. So there it is. All this has come from spending more time at the beach and what really did it was seeing Scott do the paddle board championships. When he was finished with the race he came out of the water covered in oil from the big ships. I wouldn't say that I want to be some great activist, but I would like to learn enough to be well informed and give back a little. We shall see how this goes.
I feel like I am starting to transform. I am listening to different music, I am reading more, and I feel like I am coming through a almost purifying effect. I am caring for things more. We shall see the transformation and how it comes out. I still struggle with the ability to overachieve. When I played sports, things came naturally and I did well because it was just easy for me. I really didn't have to work at it. Now, however, I have to teach myself to be an overachiever, Do the above and beyond stuff to be the best. This is why I try to challenge myself. Take on what I think is impossible, and really dig deep and become extremely proficient at it.
I need to get good at this to have success. Thank you all for your support and we'll see what I can come up with. - Steven

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

not much here

Today was a good day. Really just went to work and then went off to do the exercising of death with Scott. Good day at work, hit the beach for ball for 2 hours and then finished work to hours later, went n hike with Scott and Casey. All in all, not bad. Soar though. Not really much to write about today.
I really think that it is impossible to keep up with Scott and Casey. They are just fast. I think they can walk a 7 minute mile. Seriously. They ran with the dogs up a pretty good hill for about 20 minutes. I was dying. The great thing about them is that they really don't see to care about how far back I get. They just keep plugging along. Which for me is great because I think they would literally have to crawl to stay with me. I hope they have fun because although it is challenging for me I really do enjoy the challenges. I am getting better, but slow and steady. Scott has to work tomorrow so I get a day off!!! I just had to wait till the actual work was starting and then I would get a break. Yeah for tomorrow!
Goodnight! - Steven

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

I'm exhausted

First day of work and it is incredible how many people in California actually workout in this state. I'm used to fat people just wishing they would work out, not really showing up and doing it. Long day, my boss who is probably the most unorganized person in the world thinks that I am a FNG and sends me to do the stupid stuff. So I just do it laughing the whole time. For example, He sent me to Kinko's to make copies of a map. So, I did, knowing full well that maps are copyrighted and Kinko's won't make copies of copyrighted work. So I waisted about 45 minutes with that. Baffled him. Then he wanted me to sit at the front desk and try and get referrals from people. For the most part, I hate this kind of cheap and to me not very efficient work, but I go along with it. Most of the guys spend about 2 hours up at the front just goofing off and they net around 5 - 6 referrals. So I go up there and do the same thing, just goof off. Then this lady comes in and I decide she is my girl, she seemed vulnerable. So with some dumb remarks and a little chiding she unloads 250 names from her cell phone. Now, this doesn't happen every day, but I don't have to do the stupid work anymore. Thank goodness.
I have also found out that I suck at running. Scott has me in his sights and really wants me to work out with him. So I am. He really is in amazing shape. I am not!!!!! Today he called and wanted to know when we can "get together". So we agree on a time. He and Casey were waiting on me. Ready to run. OK I really suck. about a mile in I am dead. They were nice and let me walk a little. They gave me the choice to do the 2.5 or 3.5 mile run. Of course, I chose the 3.5 mile run, you can't wimp out right. I suck. Walk-Ran 3.5 miles today. Fun. Now tomorrow, we are meeting for Starbucks and then I am working. Since I get a 2 hour lunch and Malibu is close we are playing ball tomorrow around noon. Now that I get off at 5 he wants to run the hills and canyons for fun. But we can go slow he says. As for today, I am exhausted. Only 11 and I can barely stay awake. can't wait for tomorrows adventures. I really am appreciative, but we'll see how long I can last. At this pace I will be shrunk to nothing in no time at all. We'll see. Good night!!! - Steven

Monday, October 1, 2007

California is good

Well, it has been a few days since my last blog, but things have been busy. I have come to realize a few thing since leaving Utah. First my family truly does love me, second, the green monster is a great car, and third, everything is going to be alright.
There are very few moments in life that you can actually get verification and reassurance about truths that you normally take for granted. One of those would be your family. Do they really love you? Do they really care when you are not there? I can actually say that this weekend I have come to hold these truths self-evident. Whether it is a father who is willing to fly in and drive to California with me, knowing full well that within 50 miles the car may not make it. He actually thought Payson would be the demise of our trip, but the green monster lives. Maybe it the fact that your sister and your brother in-law spent there spare time doing an extreme make-over to my soon to be room. It truly is amazing. It is also the cousins and brother that come over to welcome me home and how they are glad to have me back. Even though I haven't been around people for the last 9 months it was a little overwhelming, but amazingly comforting. To cap everything off, it is parents who have tried very hard to stay out of my way, yet me feeling like I am trying to stay out of there way. Throughout all the dancing around it is going to work.
The green monster made the trip. The mitsubishi Mirage that has 134,000 miles and has been very suspect at times made the 748 mile trip without a problem. It is almost supernatural. Not only did the great beast make it, it still gets on average 37 miles to the gallon. No need for a Prius, get the 1999 Mirage. Worth every penny.
After everthing has been said and done this weekend, I have to the realization that everything is going to be ok. At some point today and I don't know when, I had the immense feeling of comfort and a relaxing calmness that I haven't felt in some time. I believe that it was somewhere between Scott and I getting killed by the local volleyball players or the mile run along the beach, but I can feel a transformation. It is good. I look forward to a future where my family supports me and I feel like I can tackle the upcoming events.
To all who have helped, thought about, loved, or prayed for me, I appreciate it all and hope to be able to return the favor for each of you in the near future. - Steven

Friday, September 28, 2007

Last full day

Well, for the most part this whole Utah thing is over. Not much else to do. Finish packing and put everything in the car, say goodbye to a few people and then pick up dad. Finally. Mom has called about 6 times today so I know that she is excited, Shannon called and told me that I better be appreciative of everything or I pretty much will die, and my friends pretty much have cut me off from any new information or gossip. Not bad for one day.
Went to lunch with a friend today and had a very good conversation. It seems that everyone has there own opinion on me or what I do. It is not really that bad to have so much input, but I find it funny that for some reason people feel the need or obligation to let me know what they think or tell me how I am wrong. I don't really mind but I feel it funny that they can just let loose without any thought of how I might take it. Oh well.
I am nervous to go home. I don't know why, but I am. Maybe it is because now I have to figure out most everything or maybe it is because there are no more reasons or options but to do what I want. Too much freedom to accomplish something. I figured out today that for the most part of my life, well, since I was 19, I have always had someone else to ask what they wanted or had to do what they wanted to do. It was never my decision alone to just say here is what I want and I go do it. This I have found is not an easy thing to overcome. I will actually sit and think, what do I want to do? Movie, Workout, play tennis?? Then just sit there like I am waiting on someone else to help me decide. DUMB! Goal # 1: Make decisions and do them. Easy enough right? We'll see.
Enough for today, I am tired, friends came over tonight and they just left. Good friends gone, good friends coming. I am excited to come home!!! One more day. This should be the beginning of things going right for me. Yeah!!! - Steven

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

3 days and counting

I think that it is funny that people actually read what I write. I'm guessing Justin is tearthereheadoff because he commented on one of my blogs and I didn't know it was him. I thought some crazy guy just happened to find my blog and decided to comment about Darth Vader using his force to choke me. Scary! Today has been pretty common place. Not a whole lot new and exciting. Very vanilla.
Oh, except for some lady came in t buy a membership and everything was going great and when I asked her for her credit card she started crying for no reason. Total melt down right there in front of me. I almost laughed. She just got up without speaking and left. Her friend later heard what happened and came up to me to tell me that her friend has some rare, crazy fear of credit cards and that I scared her to death. Only in Utah!!!
Ok. I am not proud of this but we do on occasion bet on football games at my club. Well one of the guys lost a bet on the Denver Broncos\ Raiders games in which he has to smell something of our discretion 2 times daily for a week. Well we found some milk that had been sitting in the fridge for what we know of as 4 months and we have been microwaving and adding some contents here and there daily to see him throw up. Well today some kid thought he would be cool and drink the concoction for 20 bucks. We gladly got out the money and he drank every little sip. 4 people threw up just watching and smelling. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life up to this point. Jus the day in the life of a gym!
It snowed in the mountains yesterday about 500 feet above my house. Beautiful. It is getting very cold already and I know that I am not going to miss it.
I think that I am getting too much like dad. I have already began to plan my trip with dad to California. Planning out what route to take and what stops and what music to listen too. I feel like Jack Nicholson in As Good as It gets when they go on there trip to ask Greg Kinnears parents for money.
Anyways the Outback count was raised by 35 today. Good night! -Steven

Monday, September 24, 2007

Same O Same O

Today was kind of weird for me in the fact that things are kind of winding down. Spoke with my bosses boss today. He has been very supportive of me going home and can see the value in going home. Nice to have that support from the stand point that he could have made it difficult for me and he didn't.
Met a very interesting fellow from England today. He was the actual first Darth Vader in the movie Star Wars!!!! Big guy. Competed many times in the Mr. Universe competitions. Very nice. Don't get opportunities like that every day!
Packed a little more. Even though I am getting a lot of support from my bosses I feel like there are many who a really upset that I have come to know quite well. They are not very pleased that I am leaving. Some have gone to the extent to, in a joking manner, give me the silent treatment. Any and all who talk to me are considered enemies of the state as they put it and mocked for there betrayal. It is all in fun, but I wonder sometimes if I had more to do here with those of my friends that were not members of the church!
Jordan and I have come to be very good friends and I feel that I will miss him the most. We carpooled today and have continued to keep track of how many Subaru Outbacks we can find. In the past 3 months we have counted over 750 sitings with the longest chain of Outbacks being 7 in a row waiting for a light. Also, on our twisted and ever bored state we have come to know that at any time, you can sit on the corner of 500 south and 700 east and see no less than 6 Outbacks in the time it would take you to wait for a light to change and walk across the street. Stupid stuff that we have to love and enjoy about Utah!
Well that is all for tonight. I am calling it an early night. Long day. - Steven

My Sunday

Today was almost too quiet. For a house full of guys it was awfully quiet. No one was home. I had to go to work at 9 this morning to finish out some hours at work. Lucrative day for the most part. Not something that you really want to say for Sunday, but if you have to go in you might as well make some money at it. Tried to be more spiritual today. Listened only to church music and just focused on going to church. Went to sacrament meeting. Singles ward. Not really to meet people. Don't think that I am even close to that yet. A girl that goes to my gym goes there and she invited me. She knows Bud Andreasan, Get this, find out she is a marriage and family counselor from Northern California. Great!!! She was nice and for the most part we just made fun of everyone that spoke. We have come up with the new and exciting speaker. See, in this singles ward, Everyone seems to want to put their "dating resume" out there during their talk. Served in this mission, have this job, and so on. 15 minutes in and they are just getting started on something that they were to speak on. Church went fast. Rained most of the day. Spent a lot of time just thinking and packing for California. Talked to Mom and Scott. It seems like he is excited for me to come home. I really want to do things with my family for a while. I haven't really ever been home. With traveling with soccer and school and mission and getting married so soon I really feel like I have missed out on some great opportunities. We'll see how things go. It never really seems to work out exactly how I picture it, but we'll see, it has to change sometime, right??? Anyways, its around 1:30 am and I am still up thinking and reading. Hopefully this is what I am supposed to write about. Who knows??? The funny thing is is Shannon is the only one who realy knows what is proper in a blog. She's funny like that. Good night for now....

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The start of a new Project!!!!

Once again Shannon has roped me into a "must do" project as she calls it. First, it was Myspace and know blogging. I'm not sure if I have to put .com, but I'll be a rebel today and not put it. Things may get incredibly monotonous with this blog, but, oh well. Work, sleep. Work, sleep. Work, sleep.
I am nervous a little bit about the spelling and grammar that needs to be used in these instances. You can't blog and use crazy and disorienting spelling like texting. You have to really dot your I's and cross your T's. I don't know if I can handle the pressure. I know that Jen really looks at this stuff. (See her 6 crazy things about her on her myspace page). Anyways, we shall see!!!!!