Tuesday, October 9, 2007

It's been a while

Well, it;s been awhile since I was able to blog. Mostly because I got self conscious about my blog. I found out that anyone could read it. That kind of threw me off. I wanted to write free from my head without anyone really knowing. I know that my family would know, but complete strangers kind of was weird. So, I have overcome my fear and have decided to continue to write for myself and anyone else can just be patient and understand that I am going through a change and I really don't know what is going to happen. It is what it is. A change, a metamorphosis, if you will.
Lately I have kind of gotten through the everything is new again and on to the settling in phase. This weekend was kind of hard to be away from everyone. I am truly proud of Shannon, Jared, and Sharalyn for running the Chicago marathon. This is something that I know was huge in there life, but it left me in a spot. To be selfish for a moment, no one was here to hang out with me. It was just me doing nothing. I was a little bored and I just couldn't get into my groove. There it is, I am done self loathing. Proud of you guys, just don't ever leave me by myself again. Just kidding.
This week I truly have been thinking of things I could do to be original. There are just so many things to choose from. I like the ocean, but I am not really that good at surfing and such. I like it, love it actually, but I still have that fear of the unkown when I am out there. I love the mountains and have grown more comfortable with time, but do I really care about the enviorment that much? I think that I am going to go with the ocean for a while. Get used to the cold water, the powerful waves, and get used to the currents and beach life. It truly is a way of life. Here is where I am at right now, I want to set a goal of winning a "B" card on the beach and get used to the water enough to overcome some fear and be a decent surfer. Not crazy, but get up, move side to side, and feel comfortable with waves of some size. So there it is. All this has come from spending more time at the beach and what really did it was seeing Scott do the paddle board championships. When he was finished with the race he came out of the water covered in oil from the big ships. I wouldn't say that I want to be some great activist, but I would like to learn enough to be well informed and give back a little. We shall see how this goes.
I feel like I am starting to transform. I am listening to different music, I am reading more, and I feel like I am coming through a almost purifying effect. I am caring for things more. We shall see the transformation and how it comes out. I still struggle with the ability to overachieve. When I played sports, things came naturally and I did well because it was just easy for me. I really didn't have to work at it. Now, however, I have to teach myself to be an overachiever, Do the above and beyond stuff to be the best. This is why I try to challenge myself. Take on what I think is impossible, and really dig deep and become extremely proficient at it.
I need to get good at this to have success. Thank you all for your support and we'll see what I can come up with. - Steven

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

not much here

Today was a good day. Really just went to work and then went off to do the exercising of death with Scott. Good day at work, hit the beach for ball for 2 hours and then finished work to hours later, went n hike with Scott and Casey. All in all, not bad. Soar though. Not really much to write about today.
I really think that it is impossible to keep up with Scott and Casey. They are just fast. I think they can walk a 7 minute mile. Seriously. They ran with the dogs up a pretty good hill for about 20 minutes. I was dying. The great thing about them is that they really don't see to care about how far back I get. They just keep plugging along. Which for me is great because I think they would literally have to crawl to stay with me. I hope they have fun because although it is challenging for me I really do enjoy the challenges. I am getting better, but slow and steady. Scott has to work tomorrow so I get a day off!!! I just had to wait till the actual work was starting and then I would get a break. Yeah for tomorrow!
Goodnight! - Steven

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

I'm exhausted

First day of work and it is incredible how many people in California actually workout in this state. I'm used to fat people just wishing they would work out, not really showing up and doing it. Long day, my boss who is probably the most unorganized person in the world thinks that I am a FNG and sends me to do the stupid stuff. So I just do it laughing the whole time. For example, He sent me to Kinko's to make copies of a map. So, I did, knowing full well that maps are copyrighted and Kinko's won't make copies of copyrighted work. So I waisted about 45 minutes with that. Baffled him. Then he wanted me to sit at the front desk and try and get referrals from people. For the most part, I hate this kind of cheap and to me not very efficient work, but I go along with it. Most of the guys spend about 2 hours up at the front just goofing off and they net around 5 - 6 referrals. So I go up there and do the same thing, just goof off. Then this lady comes in and I decide she is my girl, she seemed vulnerable. So with some dumb remarks and a little chiding she unloads 250 names from her cell phone. Now, this doesn't happen every day, but I don't have to do the stupid work anymore. Thank goodness.
I have also found out that I suck at running. Scott has me in his sights and really wants me to work out with him. So I am. He really is in amazing shape. I am not!!!!! Today he called and wanted to know when we can "get together". So we agree on a time. He and Casey were waiting on me. Ready to run. OK I really suck. about a mile in I am dead. They were nice and let me walk a little. They gave me the choice to do the 2.5 or 3.5 mile run. Of course, I chose the 3.5 mile run, you can't wimp out right. I suck. Walk-Ran 3.5 miles today. Fun. Now tomorrow, we are meeting for Starbucks and then I am working. Since I get a 2 hour lunch and Malibu is close we are playing ball tomorrow around noon. Now that I get off at 5 he wants to run the hills and canyons for fun. But we can go slow he says. As for today, I am exhausted. Only 11 and I can barely stay awake. can't wait for tomorrows adventures. I really am appreciative, but we'll see how long I can last. At this pace I will be shrunk to nothing in no time at all. We'll see. Good night!!! - Steven

Monday, October 1, 2007

California is good

Well, it has been a few days since my last blog, but things have been busy. I have come to realize a few thing since leaving Utah. First my family truly does love me, second, the green monster is a great car, and third, everything is going to be alright.
There are very few moments in life that you can actually get verification and reassurance about truths that you normally take for granted. One of those would be your family. Do they really love you? Do they really care when you are not there? I can actually say that this weekend I have come to hold these truths self-evident. Whether it is a father who is willing to fly in and drive to California with me, knowing full well that within 50 miles the car may not make it. He actually thought Payson would be the demise of our trip, but the green monster lives. Maybe it the fact that your sister and your brother in-law spent there spare time doing an extreme make-over to my soon to be room. It truly is amazing. It is also the cousins and brother that come over to welcome me home and how they are glad to have me back. Even though I haven't been around people for the last 9 months it was a little overwhelming, but amazingly comforting. To cap everything off, it is parents who have tried very hard to stay out of my way, yet me feeling like I am trying to stay out of there way. Throughout all the dancing around it is going to work.
The green monster made the trip. The mitsubishi Mirage that has 134,000 miles and has been very suspect at times made the 748 mile trip without a problem. It is almost supernatural. Not only did the great beast make it, it still gets on average 37 miles to the gallon. No need for a Prius, get the 1999 Mirage. Worth every penny.
After everthing has been said and done this weekend, I have to the realization that everything is going to be ok. At some point today and I don't know when, I had the immense feeling of comfort and a relaxing calmness that I haven't felt in some time. I believe that it was somewhere between Scott and I getting killed by the local volleyball players or the mile run along the beach, but I can feel a transformation. It is good. I look forward to a future where my family supports me and I feel like I can tackle the upcoming events.
To all who have helped, thought about, loved, or prayed for me, I appreciate it all and hope to be able to return the favor for each of you in the near future. - Steven